


Hot Girls Have Problems Too

by perfumette



Series: The Grand Lellyphant/Perfumette Collaboration Series [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Misgendering, Not As Dark As The Tags Make It Sound I Swear, Slurs, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transmisogyny, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfumette/pseuds/perfumette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life adventures of transgender girl Oikawa Tooru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Oikawa Tooru is not a frivolous man, nor a serious one. He is not a man of his word, nor is he a man of honor. He is not a ladies’ man in the slightest.

Oikawa Tooru is not a man at all.

  ***

It starts with a school uniform. Her girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) insisted on trying on each other’s uniforms one day when bored, since the two of them were the same size. “It’ll be fun!” she insists, clinging onto Oikawa’s arm like a barnacle, or perhaps a leech. “Please, I’ve always wanted to try on the boys’ uniform, please please please?” She pouts cutely, in that way Oikawa can never resist, until she gets her way.

The girls’ uniform is in sailor style, charming in a vintage way. Oikawa especially likes the sweater vest, a little oversized on her girlfriend but just right for her.    

Wearing the uniform, however, feels...odd, especially the bottom half. The too-short skirt is awkward around her narrow hips, and it bunches up around her waist. The hem flutters with the slightest movement, and she can’t even bend a little without flashing her briefs. _How do girls_ do _this?_ she wonders, and then she gets a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

 _Oh_.

    “I look cute,” she says stupidly, twirling a bit. “Don’t I, Kan-chan?”

    Her girlfriend snickers as she tries and fails to knot the boys’ uniform tie. “I can’t believe you agreed to wear that, Tooru-kun,” she says, taking out her phone. “I should take a picture of how silly you look right now.”

    A wave of fear washes over her. “Don’t do that,” she says hastily, already stripping off the girls’ sweater and motioning for her clothes back. She doesn’t quite understand the epiphany she had while looking in the mirror, but she does know that if any of the guys ever find out she wore a skirt, she’s dead meat. “C’mon, Kan-chan--”

    Her girlfriend, having given up on the tie, rolls her eyes. “Oh, c’mon, you know I wouldn’t do that,” she says, putting her phone away. “Fine, let’s change.”

    It isn’t till years later, after Kan-chan is nothing more than a bad memory and Oikawa is in her third year of high school, that she fully understands the feeling she got when she looked in the mirror.

    She liked wearing a skirt, and not just because it was cute, or silly, or fun.

    She liked it because she’s a girl.

    A transgender girl.


	2. Chapter 2

The revelation of her gender takes time. At first she furiously denies that she’s anything but a man, and a heterosexual one at that. She likes girls, doesn’t she? So that means she’s a guy. Simple.

Next comes the bargaining-with-God stage. “Please, please, if you make me a normal guy I’ll be nicer to my parents and get better grades and stop cheating on my math tests,” she begs every night. “Just make me a regular guy. Please.”

When bargaining doesn’t work, she becomes angry, uncontrollably so. Why her? _Why does it have to be her?_ It’s a rough period in her life, one that culminates in an infamous fight with Kageyama-kun, and her anger is all-consuming. She’s angry at God, angry at her parents, angry at Tobio-chan, but most of all, she is angry at herself. It takes a suspension from school and several visits to a therapist before she calms down and begins to rationalize things.

They can fix this sort of thing, can’t they? Professionals, people who can convert girls who think they’re boys and boys who think they’re girls. She begins to rely on the idea that she can be “cured,” and even starts saving money for future conversion therapy. It’s her only hope, she figures; might as well get used to it.

But it’s not till her final year of high school that she slips into the final stage: acceptance. Because for the first time, she sees another transgender woman on television, and she begins to think that maybe she doesn’t need to be “cured” after all.

The woman’s name is Kayo Satoh, a model, gamer, writer, and overall celebrity. When she comes out as unapologetically transgender, it causes a huge stir, and Oikawa’s worldview changes forever. “She’s so beautiful,” she sighs as she watches Satoh’s latest television interview.

Her mother glances at the television and says something that saddens but fails to shock her. “She’s still a man,” her mother snorts as she chops vegetables, following up with the usage of several slurs. Oikawa sighs and changes the channel.

But the seed of hope has been planted in her heart, and before long, Oikawa begins to voraciously research transgender people from around the world. What she learns is often shocking, sometimes frightening, and occasionally heartwarming. On the one hand, people like Kayo Satoh prove that transgender folks can live happy, fulfilling lives as their true gender, the life that Oikawa dreams of. On the other hand, the stories she hears about abused, raped, and murdered trans people chills her to the bone. Is that going to be her fate? Homeless, dying alone on the street? She decides not to think about it.

So she begins to dream of a brighter future, one with the right pronouns and big boobs. But in the meantime, real life begins to take its toll.

***

It’s Christmas time when she buys her first dress, presumably as a gift for her current girlfriend, who happens to be the same size as her. She tells this lie even to herself. However, when the girlfriend breaks up with her on Christmas Eve and she’s left with an expensive dress with a no-return policy, she decides to cut the crap and try it on.

She looks...okay. The dress is gorgeous, a pale pink with lace overlay, but it sits oddly on her waist and does nothing for her flat chest. Her legs are killer, though; just wait till she gets a pair of heels to match…

“Wait, what am I thinking?” she mutters to herself. “I’m 184cm tall, I can’t wear heels...More than that, why am I wearing this thing? God, if Mom caught me…”

Tooru knows her family loves her. No, that’s not right. Rather, they love the _idea_ of “him,” their perfect, handsome, ladykiller son. But they don’t love the real her at all.

But back to the dress. It’s officially hers now. Clothes are meant to be worn, aren’t they? And it’d be a shame if this lovely dress never saw the light of day...

So she does the only sensible thing: she buys a wig, women’s undergarments, stylish flats, and breastforms, and goes out in public as a woman for the first time.

Stupidly, she’s filled with hope about passing perfectly as a girl. But she forgot that strangers have keen eyes, and that most cis women don’t have 184cm heights or slight facial stubble. Fortunately, nothing really happens to her, but she does feel uncomfortable stares and hear muttered slurs under men’s breaths. She begins to slouch in her flats, hoping that she’ll somehow appear shorter, more feminine, _better_.

Her destination is a popular teenage hangout, a karaoke place that’s all the rage among high-school girls. She’s never been there before, so no one should know her face.

“Tooru,” fortunately, is gender-neutral, so it doesn’t seem strange when she introduces herself by that name. She quickly settles in with a group of fashionable girls she’s never seen before and, before long, it’s her turn to sing.

But she’s forgotten about her voice. It’s naturally deep, much deeper than a cis girl’s, and she can’t sing in the painful falsetto that she’s adopted for speaking. As soon as she starts in on the pop song, she realizes her mistake; everyone is staring silently, judging with their eyes.

She quickly excuses herself and nearly runs out of the karaoke place, trying not to cry.


End file.
